July 21: The Final Edition

"Everything in life is just for awhile." - Philip K. Dick

"Poetry will not get you laid." - Step Aside Butch

12 years, 2 venues and 10,000 beers. Not a bad run. Orlando's oldest spoken word night goes out swinging with a self-aggrandizing screening of the Feedbag Films documentary "Speakeasy" (which chronicles the last time we tried to put this grey mare down). And yes, your words. Fuck a theme: We'll have the stage all to ourselves, one last time. Come be somebody.

9 pm, July 21 at Will's Pub.

June 16: The Slackass Edition

We're back! The Orlando Fringe Festival was clearly the better excuse to stay out drinking on a weeknight, so Speakeasy took the month of May off. Whaddaya gonna do, fire us?

But seriously, we're sorry. We assure you we're open (mike). And we're totally going to make it up to you in June. We're gonna try really really hard, and Tod promises to remember everybody's name when they sign up. We'll even clean the spiderwebs off the chairs before you sit in them

Actually, nah. That sounds like a lot of work. Let's keep this summer vacation rolling with the theme of Sloth for June 16. Writers, you're lazily encouraged to show up with rants against the 9-to-5, or hymns to the zen of slack. We guess you could interpret the theme as an excuse to recycle some old stories, but the usual penalties will apply. Which is to say the audience will fall asleep on you. Which is pretty appropriate.

Enough with the hard sell. Orlando's hardest-twerking open mike spoken word night begins at 9 pm sharp June 16 at Will's Pub, and we do mean sharp - DJ BMF's Soul Shakedown takes over at 11. Get up in it, then take Wednesday off. Life's too short to work hungover.

April 21: The Worst Edition

It's April! Easter happened! And ... also we had some rain? None of this lends itself to a theme. Maybe we could recycle an old theme, because Earth Day?

You know what? Screw it. We're still exhausted from taxes. And no, the theme won't be money because we don't have any and we did that already too. For April 21, Orlando's laziest open mike spoken word night will be dedicated to Bad Poetry. You all have some. And you all have it saved somewhere because you probably wrote it about a crush. Well, drag that sad sack up to Will's Pub and unpack, Shakespeare. We'll be laughing at you, and with you. Cheaper than therapy and the drinks will be a lot better.

That's 9 p.m. SHARP* at Will's Pub, your refuge from the rest of overachieving Orlando. It might be awful, but at least it's free.

* No, really.**

**  Stop laughing.***

*** OK, for real though. We have this thing going on at 11 pm after us, so we gotta put a lid on it. You should stay for it, though. It might lead to dancing.

March 24: The Lucky Edition

For the tl;dr crowd: Orlando's least regular open mike spoken word night will be on March 24 this month. That's a week late, because March 17 is reserved for a drinking holiday so severe that we can't have any poets around being coherent and spoiling it for everybody else. Fair enough. (If you're still inclined to head to Will's that night, we hear there's a pretty good horn section involved.)

Now then: Speaking of St. Paddy's Day, the theme for Speakeasy will be Luck. Come along and suffer as our writers haul out the literary slings and arrows and let fly with tales of outrageous fortune - either good or bad. Or they'll just read whatever they brought that night and pretend that's what it's about, like always. Admittedly, it's a pretty vague topic, and you know what? We're darn lucky to have them read either way. Awww.

The night, as always, is free and open to whatever you got. Straighten that tam o'shanter, grab your leprechaun-kickin' boots and be timely: The banshees begin a'wailin' around 9 p.m. Tuesday, March 24 at Will's Pub.

Feb. 17: The Magical Edition

Look deep into our eyes, don't break the circle and keep your hands on the planchette.

We hairless apes have believed in a lot of crazy things since we stopped flinging poop: Gods and demons. The Fountain of Youth. The Atkins diet. The innocence of OJ Simpson. And how? Language. This crazy quilt of grunts and squeals has allowed us to convey hidden truths - and hide the smell on all kinds of bullshit. To put it simply, language is sorcery. Which is why the theme for the February edition of Orlando's most immortal spoken word night is Magic. Because all spells are spoken, and somewhere in this alphabet of sigils is the combination that will save your soul - or at least get you laid.

Presto chango, abracadabra, klaatu nikto barada: You're all poetry fans. See? It's as easy as that. To remove the curse, just bring some eye of newt, one live chicken and your most conveniently available horcrux to Will's Pub at 9 p.m.-ish on Tuesday, Feb. 17. Admission is free as always, but the beer selection has been known to make your mad money disappear.

-Tod

Jan. 20: The Historical Edition

New year, new resolutions ... and for many of us, the same old mistakes. You Speakeasy regulars should know. Hell, some of you have been trying to pick up dates at a spoken word night for years. Silly monkeys.

Well, no more! Let's sally into 2015 with an educational look back. For January, the theme of the month is History. History, after all, is written by the winners - and the last time I checked, Will's Pub was chock full of winners. (Granted, I was checking the scoreboard on the pinball machine.) Old war stories. Limericks about the trail of tears. Poems about George Bush - hey, that hasn't been done before. Bring 'em all, and let's cushion the time travel with a couple beers. Hopefully some brain cells will survive to warn the rest of the tribe.

That's Will's Pub, 9 pm Tuesday, Jan. 20, a date that will live in flippancy. See you in the history books, y'all.

-Tod

Dec. 16: The Gifted Edition

Yea, and the three wise men did look to the north, where a bright star glittered on the horizon. And one of the wise men squinted unto that star, and spake unto the rest, saying, "Hold up, that's just the sign over Will's Pub." And being wise men, the three did bail upon Bethlehem, to partake of much wickedness and prose at that first Speakeasy spoken word night.

That's how we remember it, anyway. So this December, let's commemorate the Christmas arrival of those three charitable dudes, who totally left their frankincense behind in the sound booth. (Casey tried to snort it, and his septum hasn't been the same since.) Our first gift to you: The painfully easy theme of Christmas. The second: Our annual Whiteful Frightful Elephant Book Exchange! Every reader at Speakeasy on Dec. 16 gets a free book. The catch: You have to choose them from the mystery pile of books left by your host and fellow readers, who as regulars know are all horrible people. Got a book to inflict? Wrap it up all shiny and bring it along, then share some literary cheer. Get on our list (and the naughty one) at 9 p.m. Dec. 16, right under the eternal mistletoe at Will's Pub.