Sept. 18: The Electoral Edition

You know what we hate here at Speakeasy, other than spiders? An election year. That magical season when finding a mortal enemy is as easy as spotting his bumper sticker. The out-of-context quotes! The fabricated drama! Makes you long for a good solid monarchy, doesn't it?

Camacho/Trump 2016.

We tell you this so you know just how hard we've tried to avoid the theme for September: Politics. That's right, my fellow Americans. We know it's right up there with chlamydia on the list of things you Do Not Discuss at a bar, but on this month, we're doing it onstage. Ever wanted to inflict your views on other people through a microphone, but just didn't have any delegates? Now's your chance! Writers, sign yourself up on the list and elect yourself grand poobah for a night (or at least five minutes of it). Together, we can restore a semblance of sobriety to this great nation of Will's Pub. Together, we can accomplish the improbable ... and make politics interesting.

Yeah, we know the chances. But hey, in a year of broken promises, what's one more? See you on Sept. 18 at Will's Pub, people. 9 p.m. blunt as usual.

-Tod

Aug. 14: The Violent Edition

The heat. The reruns. The elections. The mosquitoes. The heat. There's something about August that brings out the neanderthal in us, especially in Florida. Can you feel it there, sitting in your sweat lodge of a busted car? Look at all these snowbird morons, playing Angry Birds at 50 mph on the freeway. Makes you just want to stop the car, grab something nice and sharp and ... write a poem.

What else, right? Seeing as how the theme for August at Speakeasy is Violence, you'll fit right in. Come give a listen or join the fray as our writers throw down with some verbal kicks to the babymaker. Tales of schoolyard bloody noses? Celebrity beatdown fantasies? Come at us, bro. This month, our spoken word regulars won't just be putting their foot in their mouths - they might be putting it in yours.

SPECIAL ALERT, though: We'll be a week early this month. The August edition of Speakeasy will be at 9-ish p.m. sharp on Aug. 14 - NOT our usual third Thursday. Why? Let's just say we couldn't wait a whole month to see your pretty faces again. It's not true, but let's say it.

You've got your orders, soldier. Hey, what else you doin' on a Tuesday? Safer than going to see a movie, that's for sure.

- Tod

July 17: The Revolting Edition

Oh no. We promised ourselves we weren't going to do it and here we are. July. Smack in the middle of the most patriotic month there is. Still hung over on Milwaukee's Best and Oscar Meyer's worst. Eyes dizzy from fireworks and loud clothes. We told ourselves that Speakeasy just wasn't the place for politics, but in a state like this, how can we resist the easy option? Goddammit, we never take the easy road. We never pander.

But damned if all this nationalistic hoo-rah hasn't got us more entitled than usual. Yearning for some good old-fashioned bar griping. Easily susceptible to suggestions from Speakeasy barflies like Trevor Fraser. And that's why the theme for July is Oppression.

You know you are, right? Oppressed? Oh, sure. You may think you're free, America. Sitting there watching your Real Housewives of Miami, eating Funyuns off your erection. See, this is why you need writers. You need folks like us to tell you this is just like Burma, only without all the beheading and stuff. So rise up, writers of Speakeasy! Give the people your songs of freedom denied! Crack open your beers and feed la resistance! Poets, this is your chance. Use the word revolution as much as you like without fear of defenestration*!

Tuesday, July 17, 9:30 p.m. at Will's Pub, people. They can take our homes, our rights and even our lives, but they'll never take our beer. Or our whine.

- Tod

*Kneecapping will be considered on a case-by-case basis.

June 19: The Manly Edition

What the hell happened? Seems like only yesterday we were living our regular routine in Orlando - you know, drinking our Big Gulps, counting our Disney collector pins. Then, wham! Cultureville. We're still recovering from the Orlando Fringe Festival, but our hangovers are somewhat lightened by The Daily City's "Best Outdoor Show" award for the Fringe Poetry Smackdown and a George Award for your Speakeasy host. (What's a George Award? Still not completely sure. We think it's for eating more PB&J clouds than George Wallace.) Thanks to anyone who stopped by the Poetry Vending Machine (starring your favorite Speakeasy regulars), and keep your eye on the mothballed Vending Machine blog - we'll be posting select poems from Fringe 2012 there as soon as we get our gumption back.

Anyway, that's our excuse for posting late this month. So right down to business then, gentlemen: Your Speakeasy theme for June. It's a pleasant little month despite all the rain, named after a complicated lady but largely known for that single father's day smack dab in the middle of it. Luckily, we are not ones to complicate your life (especially after Fringe). So it is that Speakeasy celebrates not just Dads, but dudes in general this month, with our catch-all theme of Manliness. Writers this month are invited to scratch those balls, spit in the dirt and pitch us your best poems and stories of testicular fortitude. It is damn hard work starting all those wars and yelling at the TV, so let's have a night of fancy words just for us, yeah? High five, bro. Be there at Will's Pub on June 19 at 9 p.m.

Whuzzat? OK, ladies can read too, but they'll get 23% less applause. See you there, all! Good luck getting laid at this one.

- Tod

May 15: Your Mom's Edition

Fringe Festival approaching rapidly! No time to blog! But while I'm here, can we talk for a minute about your mom? She is quite a lady, your mom. Works awful hard, if you know what I mean. Yes indeed, your mom is a constant source of inspiration, and that's why the theme for May is Your Mom.

Obvious? Well, yeah. But it is her month, and let's face it - moms don't really go in for your fuzzy hipster irony. So suck it up, writers. This month, let's have some poems and stories dedicated to that most wonderful and tolerant woman in your life. Make your mom proud, and don't worry if she can't attend. I'll let her know how you did when I drop by.

And hey, did I mention this Fringe Festival thing? Recover quick from Speakeasy, because the Fringe is upon us that very week, from May 17-28. Of special interest to you as smart cookies:

• The Fringe Poetry Smackdown, taking place on the outdoor stage at Loch Haven Park on Saturday May 19 and 26
• The Fringe Toast-Off (you remember those from Will's. right?), also on the outdoor stage at 10 p.m. on Friday May 25

Both are hosted by your less-than-heavenly host, Tod Caviness. You can also find him (uh, me), and some of your favorite Speakeasy regulars creating poetry for bucks and beer at the Poetry Vending Machine - look for it on the lawn during all hours of the festival.

April 17: The Undead Edition

OK, first off: We know. Between Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, The Walking Dead, the ease of the Thriller dance and the general cheapness of blue/gray makeup ... zombies are puh-layed out. Just shoot the craze dead already. No, not there. In the head. The head, goddammit! Shit. Out of bullets. No! Stay back! Keep your filthy teeth off meeeaaAAAAAGH THE PAIN gurgle choke.

Where were we? Ah yes, an apology. Sure, the theme for Speakeasy in April is Zombies. How can we resist? I mean, Easter. Come on. The eggs are pretty and the candy's dandy but let's not forget to teach our kids the true reason for the season: That on a day long ago in the general vicinity of April, a man got whupped to death and arose from the grave to cause a widespread plague of flesh-eating and blood-drinking. So come on out to Will's Pub on April 17 at 9 p.m. for a night of spoken word dedicated to shambling, groaning and grotesque gluttony. Belly on up to the bar, get embalmed and open your mind - they're hungry.

- Tod

March 20: The Judgemental Edition

Open mikes ain't nothing but confession, you say? Well, it's certainly the prevailing cliche: A coffeeshop full of self-serious hipsters, showing off their sins under a thin layer of metaphor and forced rhyme. We've all been to those nights, right? A bizarro confession booth where it's the preachers putting themselves up for a grope?

Yeah, Speakeasy's totally nothing like that ever, almost. But this month, we're wearing the caricature, because the theme for March is Crime and Punishment. Court's in session, writers, so you bring the evidence and we'll bring the verdict - just like always, only more so. Our poets and proclaimers are invited to name names, point fingers, and generally lawyer up with their tales of guilt and innocence. Just remember, you won't go to jail for the writing, but it's Will's Pub - we can't guarantee anything beyond that. Get your briefs in order and head down there at the usual third Tuesday starting time of 9-ish pm on March 20.

Objections? Overruled.

- Tod