March 18: The Me Edition

Like hell, the Baby Boomers were the "me" generation. All that weed and free love may have done wonders for self-actualization, but when it comes to enablement, there's no time like the present. Let me just whip this ego out and give it a measure: Reality show culture. Round-the-clock validation from our facebook friends. Selfies. The fact that we haven't suffocated Donald Trump with his own hairpiece.

If it's a bummer of a generation, believe us: It's not you, it's Me. But if you can't beat 'em, join Me: The next installment of Orlando's MEatiest spoken word night will be dedicated to the theme of Narcissicism. Writers! Poets! Talk amongst yourselves, about yourselves, or use your five minutes to rage against the self-absorbed nature of a world in which we increasingly seek validation through external blah whatnot etcetera. We'll be over here checking our Klout rating.

That's Feb. 18 at the usual-ish time of 9 pm, at the unusual location of Will's Pub. Admission, as always, is free like Nelson Mandela. See you there, people - and most importantly, you'll see Me.

Feb. 18: The Psychedelic Edition

Yes, we know. February. Love is everywhere, or at least you'd think so from the amount of pink being slathered all over the seasonal aisles at Target. Found someone to eat out with, or just eat out? Mazeltov, you lucky fool. For the rest of us, there's Drugs.

Drugs are the theme of this month's Speakeasy, and why has it taken us this long to get around to it? Hey, I'll be honest: I'm doing them right now. Coffee. Sugar. An especially hypnotic round of Plants vs. Zombies. Let's face it, smart guy. You may be a fool for love, but your brain is a big raging slut for even the most innocuous substance. Drop by Orlando's farthest-out open mike spoken word night and share a little vacation story about your favorite trip. First taste is free, baby.

And no, you're not stoned (as far as we know) - Speakeasy has shifted approximately 30 feet south lately. We'll be back in the cozy confines of Lil Indies on Feb. 18, right next door to Will's Pub. Time is, of course, an illusion, but it kicks off around "9 pm" as usual. We'll keep a third eye out for you.

Jan. 21: The Danger Edition

Hate to spoil your holiday afterglow, but it's January. Don't believe me? Check on that fruitcake in the fridge. See those green spots? They may not be figs. The whole damn thing is wilting, like your back under the weight of all those resolutions. The elf has left the shelf. Nobody's watching now. It's just you and your willpower, and smoking isn't getting any less legal.*

If only. If only we could go back in time and warn ourselves about how rough things were going to be.

Well, you can't. Best we can do is share our collective knowledge, and knock a little sense into our future selves. For the January edition of Speakeasy, our writers are invited to serve as signposts and lighthouses with stories of Warning. Made some mistakes in life? Of course you have; you're drinking with poets. Least you can do is lay a few flags through the minefield and help the rest of us make it through. Set the controls for 9-ish pm Tuesday, Jan. 21 at Lil Indies, right next door to the usual scene of the thoughtcrime at Will's Pub.

*Luckily for any resolutions that involve cigarettes, smoking is forbidden at Lil Indies and Will's these days. I know. They have a great patio; you'll live.

Dec. 17: The Toasted Elephant Edition

It's December! That month where we take on entirely too much (debt, relatives, eggnog) and receive entirely too little ("A snuggie! Thanks, Mom. It matches my hair.").

Your favorite spoken word night is no exception. On Dec. 17, we give you not one but two reasons to join the boozebath at Will's Pub. First and foremost: The Toast-Off. That's right, drinky. We'll be holding a Toast-Off before the spoken word portion of the night, where brave and/or pickled writers, comedians and unsuspecting sots will be composing toasts to random subjects pulled out of a hat. You may remember this mix of improv, game show and poetry from the many times it's crashed the party at the Orlando Fringe Festival. Now see it back in its natural habitat.

After the smoke (and vomit) has cleared, it'll be the usual mess of spoken word open mike - with an extra incentive. Every reader who signs up on the list will receive a mystery book from our vast, colorful and frequently disappointing White Elephant pile. Wrap up an unwanted/inappropriate book and drop off your own under the tree, or just take advantage of the host's literary largesse.

And yes, it's all still free. We may be overachieving this month, but it's still Speakeasy. Drop on by at 9 pm Tuesday, Dec. 17 at Will's.

Nov. 26: The Engorged Edition

If we've learned nothing else from William Carlos Williams, it's that you cannot trust poets around your refrigerator. All cliches aside, poets love to eat. We may always be telling you to feed your mind, but we're most likely thinking about feeding our face. Let's face it, with the jobs we typically hold, it's probably been awhile.

Which is why we're going with a fairly concrete theme for the return of your regular host: Food. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, so there's plenty of inspiration in the oven. The writers of Speakeasy are hereby challenged to give it up for their favorite meal, filleted, fried or figurative. Come on out on the fourth Tuesday (Nov. 26, sorry for the reschedule!) and watch 'em talk with their mouths full - of profundity. (Also probably profanity.) 9 pm sharpish at Will's Pub, y'all. No reservations required.

-Tod

Sept. 17: The Outraged Edition

Maybe it's your host's relatively advanced years, but over here at Speakeasy, we're done wondering why we can't all like the same stuff. If everybody loved Jeebus, sure, we'd be a lot more peaceful (and frustrated, which is another conversation). But the number of people who love Kanye West is a lot smaller, and look what it's done to that guy. Vive le difference.

No, what we wanna know is why we can't all get together on the things we hate anymore. Even Miley Cyrus! (Last time you'll see her name here, we promise.) Universally hateable performance at that pointless awards show, right? Apparently not. We can't even agree on what her exact sins are: Racism? Sleaze? Teaching our kids to masturbate incorrectly? Lack of talent? (For the record, the only answer that counts is always "D".)

Just as the VMAs are an inappropriate forum for popular taste, Speakeasy is mighty ill-suited to building consensus. But what the hell, let's give it a go. For September 17, we want to know What Offends You. Whether it's the administration's tolerance of Syrian atrocities or The View's tolerance of Jenny McCarthy, let's fling some literary poop on it. After all this time together, this may be our greatest challenge yet: Offending each other. Third Tuesday of the month as usual, 9 pm sharpish at Will's Pub.

- Tod

Aug. 20: The Paranoid Edition

Clearly, it's the summer. With weather like this, you really can't be bothered to peel yourself out of the hammock for a bathroom break, much less update a website on a monthly basis. Nope, best to just stay right there and nurse that mojito, behind your picket fence and the razorwire and the gun emplacements.

I mean, have you seen the state we're in? And I mean that both globally and regionally. You can't saunter down to the Wawa for a pack of Skittles without getting a good eyeball-fucking, either from the neighborhood watch or the satellites or both. Can't even relax with a good snort of bath salts anymore. Government's putting all kinds of Zeus knows what in there. And the spiders. Don't even get me started on the spiders.

But this month, Speakeasy's blowing the lid right off this puppy, because our theme for August is Paranoia. Hunker down with us under the big tinfoil hat of Will's Pub, and listen as Orlando's most bug-eyed writers expose the half-truths and the known unknowns. 9 pm-ish as usual, Tuesday Aug. 20 at Will's Pub, true believers. Just make sure to shave your head before you come so we can check you for implants at the door. Fnord.

Can't wait 'til then? Go east, young man. Your host Tod Caviness - the recently-crowned Best Pottymouth in Orlando - will give 'em hell at a featured reading in Cocoa during the Collective Word's open mike, hosted by Speakeasy pal Joe Snyder. That's 8:30 p.m. Tuesday, Aug. 6.

Also also? Check out the spifferiffic new website for the Poetry Vending Machine, now available for wedding, bar mitzvahs, goat sacrifices, square dances and assorted hootenannies. Looks like we ain't so idle this summer after all ...