June 24: The Celebrity Edition

First things first: That's June 24 this month, not the third Tuesday. Yes, Speakeasy itself will be late, which means this event notice is right on time.

So what do we have on tap for June? Glad you asked. The theme of the month is Celebrity, because what better time than summer to set the bar low? At this month's open mike, let's all pretend we write for the supermarket tabloids and come up with some gossip about our favorite Bright Young Things. It's easy: "Scandal! [Pop singer] caught in [illegal drug] frenzy with [has-been actress], calls [government offical] [racial epithet]. Article sponsored by [legal drug]."

Rest of the thing writes itself, so no excuses for the late notice. Follow the red carpet to Will's Pub in the fashionably late neighborhood of 9 p.m. on Tuesday, June 24. We'll make ye famous, kid.

May 20: The Digital Edition

Here at Speakeasy, we're always so thankful when we can get some asses off the couch for one day a month. It's great to finally see all you deep thinkers getting away from your big screen, and coming down to Will's where you can get onstage and stare at a little screen.

Yeah, that's right. We see how many of you are reading off your iPhones these days. Or playing Candy Crush when you're not onstage. Or beaming dick pics directly into the bartender's retina with your Google Glass.

But do we judge? We do not. We all know that judgement is reserved for bitchfaced weirdos you see on Instagram, not actual nearby people. At Speakeasy, we for one welcome our new robot overlords with a special edition dedicated to Technology. For May 20, our writers are invited to tell us how they feel about living in the future, where no one is more than ten feet away from free porn at any given moment. So shave off those palms and join us at Will's Pub, where the floor is the color of television tuned to a dead channel and there's 50 new flavors of Soma at the bar. We'll gather at the usual wobbly hour of 9 pm, reliable as a new Windows release.

April 15: The Childish Edition

'Sup. If this is your first time checking out the Speakeasy blog, there's a chance you did it because we got some ink recently between a bunch of pictures of lawyers in that magazine you read at the doctor's office. To be honest, we're a little weirded out. But welcome! It's not you, it's us.

Anyway, down to beezwax. Orlando's crotchetiest spoken word night has sidestepped the news long enough: Your host is going to be a daddy. And while the night isn't about me, I figure we'll segue elegantly from last month's theme and make it about me, or more specifically, my gurgling spawn-to-be.

Gather round, class, because the theme for the April edition of Speakeasy is Children's Stories. Because Speakeasy, like Wu-Tang, is for the childrens. Writers are hereby invited to share that most precious (and cheapest) of baby shower gifts and bring their bestest bedtime fables, their Seussiest soliloquies, their most Sendakian send-ups. Don't spend the night in time out - join the shady kids for a little literary recess at Will's Pub, where the drool and vomit will put us all right at home in the playpen. That's Tuesday, April 15 at way past your bedtime. See you there.

- Tod

March 18: The Me Edition

Like hell, the Baby Boomers were the "me" generation. All that weed and free love may have done wonders for self-actualization, but when it comes to enablement, there's no time like the present. Let me just whip this ego out and give it a measure: Reality show culture. Round-the-clock validation from our facebook friends. Selfies. The fact that we haven't suffocated Donald Trump with his own hairpiece.

If it's a bummer of a generation, believe us: It's not you, it's Me. But if you can't beat 'em, join Me: The next installment of Orlando's MEatiest spoken word night will be dedicated to the theme of Narcissicism. Writers! Poets! Talk amongst yourselves, about yourselves, or use your five minutes to rage against the self-absorbed nature of a world in which we increasingly seek validation through external blah whatnot etcetera. We'll be over here checking our Klout rating.

That's Feb. 18 at the usual-ish time of 9 pm, at the unusual location of Will's Pub. Admission, as always, is free like Nelson Mandela. See you there, people - and most importantly, you'll see Me.

Feb. 18: The Psychedelic Edition

Yes, we know. February. Love is everywhere, or at least you'd think so from the amount of pink being slathered all over the seasonal aisles at Target. Found someone to eat out with, or just eat out? Mazeltov, you lucky fool. For the rest of us, there's Drugs.

Drugs are the theme of this month's Speakeasy, and why has it taken us this long to get around to it? Hey, I'll be honest: I'm doing them right now. Coffee. Sugar. An especially hypnotic round of Plants vs. Zombies. Let's face it, smart guy. You may be a fool for love, but your brain is a big raging slut for even the most innocuous substance. Drop by Orlando's farthest-out open mike spoken word night and share a little vacation story about your favorite trip. First taste is free, baby.

And no, you're not stoned (as far as we know) - Speakeasy has shifted approximately 30 feet south lately. We'll be back in the cozy confines of Lil Indies on Feb. 18, right next door to Will's Pub. Time is, of course, an illusion, but it kicks off around "9 pm" as usual. We'll keep a third eye out for you.

Jan. 21: The Danger Edition

Hate to spoil your holiday afterglow, but it's January. Don't believe me? Check on that fruitcake in the fridge. See those green spots? They may not be figs. The whole damn thing is wilting, like your back under the weight of all those resolutions. The elf has left the shelf. Nobody's watching now. It's just you and your willpower, and smoking isn't getting any less legal.*

If only. If only we could go back in time and warn ourselves about how rough things were going to be.

Well, you can't. Best we can do is share our collective knowledge, and knock a little sense into our future selves. For the January edition of Speakeasy, our writers are invited to serve as signposts and lighthouses with stories of Warning. Made some mistakes in life? Of course you have; you're drinking with poets. Least you can do is lay a few flags through the minefield and help the rest of us make it through. Set the controls for 9-ish pm Tuesday, Jan. 21 at Lil Indies, right next door to the usual scene of the thoughtcrime at Will's Pub.

*Luckily for any resolutions that involve cigarettes, smoking is forbidden at Lil Indies and Will's these days. I know. They have a great patio; you'll live.

Dec. 17: The Toasted Elephant Edition

It's December! That month where we take on entirely too much (debt, relatives, eggnog) and receive entirely too little ("A snuggie! Thanks, Mom. It matches my hair.").

Your favorite spoken word night is no exception. On Dec. 17, we give you not one but two reasons to join the boozebath at Will's Pub. First and foremost: The Toast-Off. That's right, drinky. We'll be holding a Toast-Off before the spoken word portion of the night, where brave and/or pickled writers, comedians and unsuspecting sots will be composing toasts to random subjects pulled out of a hat. You may remember this mix of improv, game show and poetry from the many times it's crashed the party at the Orlando Fringe Festival. Now see it back in its natural habitat.

After the smoke (and vomit) has cleared, it'll be the usual mess of spoken word open mike - with an extra incentive. Every reader who signs up on the list will receive a mystery book from our vast, colorful and frequently disappointing White Elephant pile. Wrap up an unwanted/inappropriate book and drop off your own under the tree, or just take advantage of the host's literary largesse.

And yes, it's all still free. We may be overachieving this month, but it's still Speakeasy. Drop on by at 9 pm Tuesday, Dec. 17 at Will's.