Oct. 16: The Masquerade Edition

OK, for one moment let's pretend your host has thought this out. That I have not, as usual, solicited some random drunk's opinion (thanks, Teege!) and called it the theme for this month's Speakeasy. It would certainly seem like I had, because our upcoming theme of Fan Fiction fits October like a toga on a douchebag.

Because, hey - isn't that what Halloween is about? All us ugly stepsisters get to slip into Cinderella's shoes and tell Prince Charming that no, actually, they do fit and we're keeping them and he can jump up our ass. We get to be princesses, presidents, heroes ... just for one day. Or at least as many drinks as it takes for us to lose one shoe and puke in the other one.

I digress, because that's what I do. What I'm trying to justify here is this month's call to arms, our summons to Speakeasy writers: Fan fucking fiction. For October, kidnap your favorite fictional characters. Lure them into the black, windowless van of your notebook and rub the lotion of your imagination all over them. Only when they are taught their manners will they emerge, fit to join the patient listeners of Will's Pub. Sam Spade in Narnia? Dolemite meets the Mummy? The cast of Sailor Moon in a sexual octahedron with the Powerpuff Girls? Hey, we won't judge.

I mean, we will. But we probably won't remember. And really, how hard can this stuff be? See you at 9 p.m. on Oct. 16 at Will's Pub, me hearties.

- Tod